Posts Tagged ‘weakness’

Ever been in a crisis
A crisis too deep you don’t know how to get out
A self-inflicted crisis with murderous results
A crisis you saw coming but chose to ignore?

Now ever been in a spiritual crisis
Where day and night you wonder if you are still in the faith
And to drown that still small voice telling you where to go
You indulge in what your depraved soul knows best – sin
Ever been in a spiritual crisis?

That you need the word so badly but feel like you’ve gone too far to be redeemed
And so again instead of climbing out, You dig yourself deeper into the pit
You know the way out but walking in it suddenly seems so hard
You don’t know who to reach out to or how to
Scratch that, you know exactly who to reach out to but wonder if they’ll ever understand coz you can’t even explain it
If they’ll look past your wandering and feed you with the word you so deeply desire
Because after all is said and done, you realise it’s all vanity
Why would I gain the whole world and lose my soul
Why would I gain the appeal of man only to be disowned by my Maker
Why would temporary pleasures satisfy, or rather feel like they satisfy when in reality they are killing me
Why gain that relationship and lose out on the one that matters most
Why would I do all these and yet I am a Christian
How did I go these far, how did I miss the signs
Is this indwelling sin or have I just lost it
Because if I’m to be judged by my fruits God knows I won’t pass any test?

Yet deep within the thirst is still there
My soul deeply longs and groans for Him
He still seeks me upto now
I know I’m able to see I’m in a crisis because His grace still saves
But I’m too weak to get myself out of this mess
The cross seems so far to reach to
But my heart, Oh my heart, wants to fall upon it
To leave everything else and cling to it
To never look back again because this pit is ugly
To lift my eyes to God and cry ‘Father forgive me’
Cause’ much as I try to fight it
I know this is the Christian I’m not.