Posts Tagged ‘Father’

May 20th: What You Stole From Me!

One day is like a thousand years to the Lord
So much can happen within a day
24hrs is all it takes for your life to be turned upside down
24hrs is all God needs to teach you a lifetime lesson
Saturday May 20th 1995

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LETTER TO DAD

Posted: May 2, 2012 in Letters
Tags: , , , ,

Dear Dad,

I still have a vivid account of the incident that happened that day. The date was May 20th on a Saturday, at Milimani Estate, Kakamega, 1995. I even remember what I was wearing. I was 9years old and in Class 4 in Star Academy. You had travelled to Lodwar for a business trip and you decided to pass by your daughter’s school on your way back since it was on your way home to say “hi”. But as God would have it, that was never to be. I remember our class had made so much noise and we were made to kneel down. Then my geography teacher, Mr. Wesonga, called me out and took me to his classroom office in Class 5. He started asking me questions about you, how you were faring on, if you ever complained of ill health and all that. All I could tell him was that you had HBP. Immediately, I knew something was wrong. My small mind could not grasp it and kept wandering off wondering why all the questions. I remember the teacher walking out and telling me to wait for him there. He took quite some time, because I remember dozing off. Then he came back and told me to go back to class.

Next thing I hear, school is being closed and we are told to go home and use the back gate. Something kept telling me, that somehow, I was involved in the school’s closing. Just couldn’t figure out how. Out of the gate we all went gladly, but you see, for me to get to our house, I still had to come at some distance close to the front gate of the school. At that not so far distance, I saw this:

Yea, it was my first time, to see that in my life. The cops had come, the body had already been taken, their car was still there, all I could see was that. Still, I knew something had happened and I was the one affected. So, like the 9year old that I was, I just slowly strolled home. Only to find some of my teachers already there and the house filled with people. I just walked in and as I was going to our room, I hear my sister asking me, “Winnie have you heard what has happened?” She was crying in the bathroom. I just said yes. Nobody had told me anything but I knew you were gone. Just like that, you collapsed and died at the gate before you could even say hi. Sometimes, I wonder what it is you wanted to tell me. I know you had missed me, just wanted to see me, wanted to hug me, maybe even carry me, you loved doing that. But that day, all that was never to be.

Then, after the burial, we had to move back to Nairobi, where mum took good care of us. Maybe I have never really mourned for you, I always try to block the painful things in my life, it’s what I do with mum too. So today, let me do so. You were a very loving, caring, industrious, smart dad. Someone recently told me, you truly are a lecturer’s daughter. That made me smile, made me think of you, made me thank God for you and all that you imparted in me in that short period of time you were with us.  It’s from you that I got the “reading thing”. I remember always going to your bookshelf and reading stuff that was way beyond me. I read “Things Fall Apart”  in Class 3 plus other stuff. You inculcated that in me and your dream for me was to reach University level and be the best. Trust me that stuck with me all through my life and it hurt when I couldn’t go to campus because mum had just passed on the previous year when I was doing my K.C.S.E and there was no one to cater for the fees. It hurt so bad, seeing other people, my friends mostly, even those who had failed going to colleges and campuses, and I was just at home. Nobody knew, but I was so devastated.

Here’s where the twist is. When you died, we were all confused, mum really tried to be strong through it all and made sure we all went to school, had the best and finished school, single handedly. She taught us alot, but today it’s about you. When you left, we knew we had lost our only dad, the greatest man in our lives. I knew I was alone, no father figure anymore. No more feeling of your strong arms holding me and carrying me into the air. No more running to you in the evening after school and us discussing about how school was, what I got in the different subjects. No more. I knew it had all ended there. Till I met one who is more than a father figure. One who calls me child and one who loves me more than I could ever think of. One who says that when I was in my mother’s womb He knew me. One who says he is always watching over me and never slumbers. One who I can talk to about any and everything, when I met that man, then I found peace.

I know you tried your best to be the best father to us, and we appreciate everything. I only wish you knew the one who gave you that parenting job before you left us. God only knows where your soul is right now. I thought it was the end of me when you left me, then mum followed, but God was just orchestrating stuff for His glory. Now, looking back, I thank God for all that has happened, albeit with some hint of grief. For if all these hadn’t happened, I don’t know where I would be. So I managed to go to college, I schooled myself, I know that would have made you proud, I didn’t go to campus and I didn’t become a lawyer. God had other plans. Now, now am a fully grown woman, 26years old. And all I can say is, were it not for my heavenly father, I don’t know where I would be. This far, the Lord has brought me, this far,  Lord hath kept us.

He carried me, in places where even your strong arms could never have carried me. He has seen me through tough and trying times that I never thought I would come out from. He has been my anchor, my joy and  my peace. Now I can smile, now I can walk confidently, because I am not alone. He says, “He shall never leave me, nor forsake” you don’t know how sweet and comforting that is. His promises are sure, He never fails. That is my God, that is my Father. So to all who have lost their dads, there is one who is more closer. To all whose dads are absentees, run to him who said He knit you together in your mother’s womb. To all who don’t feel loved by your dads, run to the one who has adopted us into his family and given us the Spirit of sonship by which we cry out Abba Father. To all who don’t know Him as a Father, develop a relationship with Him. He is your peace and He calls you child.

Run to your Father. His arms are always open wide. He never turns His face away from His children. He gives us all of Him. Run to Him. Let Him be your anchor, let Him be your everything. Let Him wipe away all the tears, all the fears, all the pain. Let Him carry your load, that’s how loving He is. The Almighty is our Father. May you learn to see Him that way. To God be the glory.

Your Lovely Daughter,

Winnie.