Archive for the ‘Letters’ Category

“LOSING HUSBANDS”

Posted: November 19, 2013 in Letters, Poetry
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He sets out yet again, all happy & determined to make it
It’s the third time this week
You are awed by his tenacity
The downcast face and sombre look that greets you in the evening
As he looks  up to you and gives you that look
That all familiar look
You know they said no to him again

Football has always been his passion
Somehow, he never cuts the team
Finally an opportunity arises, he’s quite optimistic
Not today, that’s what the coach says
With those eyes, he walks away

No one prepared you for this
Seems yours will always be a ‘losing husband’
How do you show him he’s a winner
Your vote of confidence is all he needs

loser

To all wives of ‘losing husbands’
Each time he gives you those eyes
He’s letting you in, exposing his vulnerability
Letting you know that only in your arms is he secure
So waste not this chance dear wives
Welcome him with love
Let him know he’s a king in his house
Don’t pity him, let him know his strengths
Be the cushion he falls on when the world beats him
Be the world to him, for if you are
It doesn’t matter what the rest think
They may brand him a looser
But you share a secret together
One that binds you forever
The reason why he gives you those eyes
The reason you are his wife
The challenge is hard but take it confidently
After all, you are his woman

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Will You Love Me Tomorrow?

Posted: November 18, 2013 in Letters, Poetry
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Will you love me tomorrow
When I fall short from your graces again
When time and time again
I find new ways to hurt you
When my words of apology
Are just rehearsed lines for the play
When I fail to deliver on a promise
When I’m too weak to say no to temptation
When harsh words keep cutting deeper and harder
When I fail to play my role as your partner
When I share with you my weaknesses
When fear engulfs me and I cry out for help
When I show you that I’m just human
Will you still love me
Or would you be the first to cast a stone?

A LETTER TO MY BROTHER

Posted: June 20, 2012 in Letters
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My dear beloved brother, you will probably never see this leave alone read it, but still, I will write it. I write this letter with a heavy heart and with cries and pains no words can describe because it is about you, my loving brother. I remember when we were young and dad had just gotten a transfer, it was me, you and him before the others could join us. You were a very responsible boy, played your duties as an older sibling diligently and lovingly. You would wake up early, prepare breakfast, and serve it, before rushing to school yourself. Those were the good old days.

Then you grew up, adolescence came together with its bag of challenges. I do not know if you were not too strong to overcome them or you just chose to entertain them. The sweet, handsome, bright young boy was quickly replaced by something else. Suddenly, school was an option, education became just another word and drugs became your closest friends. How you managed to finish school beats me but God has his ways. You finished but failed since you were a bright boy who chose to waste his life. You are a great thinker and quite good in literature and have your way with words, traits I have noticed. I doubt if you have seen them yourself. The transition from teenage to adulthood has been the worst. You became a great shadow of your former self. Always drinking, always smoking whilst supplementing with other drugs. You chose to hang with bad company, which surely corrupted your good morals. You began wasting away, not only physically but also mentally, emotionally and spiritually. You became your own idol. Pleasing yourself at whatever costs. So many times you’ve escaped death narrowly, evaded arrest plus a myriad of things we may not know of. Do you ever see the hand of God in all these?

You drink, laugh and merry with your friends but deep down you are a tormented soul. Deep down you long for home, you long for peace, you want out. Why can’t you see it brother, you cannot do this on your own. In and by yourself there is no capacity to change for the better. It is not your life; it was given to you, why not entrust it to God the sustainer of all life? You need God brother. Do you ever see the pain you cause us, your family? Yes, you do not just affect your life but those of people around you. We tried loving you, then we became angry, anger grew to resentment and bitterness for some of us. We do not understand you. We try but we don’t. We don’t understand how you would just let yourself go, how you would waste your life, throw it all away. Many a times we have failed you as your family, many a times, we have not shown you love; we have given up on you, forgetting that we ourselves aren’t any better and it’s only by God’s grace that we are what we are. So, I pray for you brother. I pray to God that you may find solace in Him. That He may enable you to kill your idols and worship the God who sits on the throne. I pray that when the trumpet blows for you, you will be found ready. I pray salvation; I pray freedom, love and joy. I pray for us too, that we may learn to understand you, to love you, appreciate you more and show you mercy and grace just as we have received the same. I pray for you brother, because I love you and it hurts that you are wasting your life.

With these few remarks, I put my pen down and continue praying for you. Lord help me not to give up, not forgetting that salvation is from you and that what seems impossible with man you can do it. Even the vilest sinner, you can save. Therefore, I cast him in your care. To all with unbelieving family members, keep praying, keep loving and keep trusting. He who is above all shall surely come through, in His wisdom and time.

Your Loving Sister,

Winnie

 

Grace & Peace

LETTER TO DAD

Posted: May 2, 2012 in Letters
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Dear Dad,

I still have a vivid account of the incident that happened that day. The date was May 20th on a Saturday, at Milimani Estate, Kakamega, 1995. I even remember what I was wearing. I was 9years old and in Class 4 in Star Academy. You had travelled to Lodwar for a business trip and you decided to pass by your daughter’s school on your way back since it was on your way home to say “hi”. But as God would have it, that was never to be. I remember our class had made so much noise and we were made to kneel down. Then my geography teacher, Mr. Wesonga, called me out and took me to his classroom office in Class 5. He started asking me questions about you, how you were faring on, if you ever complained of ill health and all that. All I could tell him was that you had HBP. Immediately, I knew something was wrong. My small mind could not grasp it and kept wandering off wondering why all the questions. I remember the teacher walking out and telling me to wait for him there. He took quite some time, because I remember dozing off. Then he came back and told me to go back to class.

Next thing I hear, school is being closed and we are told to go home and use the back gate. Something kept telling me, that somehow, I was involved in the school’s closing. Just couldn’t figure out how. Out of the gate we all went gladly, but you see, for me to get to our house, I still had to come at some distance close to the front gate of the school. At that not so far distance, I saw this:

Yea, it was my first time, to see that in my life. The cops had come, the body had already been taken, their car was still there, all I could see was that. Still, I knew something had happened and I was the one affected. So, like the 9year old that I was, I just slowly strolled home. Only to find some of my teachers already there and the house filled with people. I just walked in and as I was going to our room, I hear my sister asking me, “Winnie have you heard what has happened?” She was crying in the bathroom. I just said yes. Nobody had told me anything but I knew you were gone. Just like that, you collapsed and died at the gate before you could even say hi. Sometimes, I wonder what it is you wanted to tell me. I know you had missed me, just wanted to see me, wanted to hug me, maybe even carry me, you loved doing that. But that day, all that was never to be.

Then, after the burial, we had to move back to Nairobi, where mum took good care of us. Maybe I have never really mourned for you, I always try to block the painful things in my life, it’s what I do with mum too. So today, let me do so. You were a very loving, caring, industrious, smart dad. Someone recently told me, you truly are a lecturer’s daughter. That made me smile, made me think of you, made me thank God for you and all that you imparted in me in that short period of time you were with us.  It’s from you that I got the “reading thing”. I remember always going to your bookshelf and reading stuff that was way beyond me. I read “Things Fall Apart”  in Class 3 plus other stuff. You inculcated that in me and your dream for me was to reach University level and be the best. Trust me that stuck with me all through my life and it hurt when I couldn’t go to campus because mum had just passed on the previous year when I was doing my K.C.S.E and there was no one to cater for the fees. It hurt so bad, seeing other people, my friends mostly, even those who had failed going to colleges and campuses, and I was just at home. Nobody knew, but I was so devastated.

Here’s where the twist is. When you died, we were all confused, mum really tried to be strong through it all and made sure we all went to school, had the best and finished school, single handedly. She taught us alot, but today it’s about you. When you left, we knew we had lost our only dad, the greatest man in our lives. I knew I was alone, no father figure anymore. No more feeling of your strong arms holding me and carrying me into the air. No more running to you in the evening after school and us discussing about how school was, what I got in the different subjects. No more. I knew it had all ended there. Till I met one who is more than a father figure. One who calls me child and one who loves me more than I could ever think of. One who says that when I was in my mother’s womb He knew me. One who says he is always watching over me and never slumbers. One who I can talk to about any and everything, when I met that man, then I found peace.

I know you tried your best to be the best father to us, and we appreciate everything. I only wish you knew the one who gave you that parenting job before you left us. God only knows where your soul is right now. I thought it was the end of me when you left me, then mum followed, but God was just orchestrating stuff for His glory. Now, looking back, I thank God for all that has happened, albeit with some hint of grief. For if all these hadn’t happened, I don’t know where I would be. So I managed to go to college, I schooled myself, I know that would have made you proud, I didn’t go to campus and I didn’t become a lawyer. God had other plans. Now, now am a fully grown woman, 26years old. And all I can say is, were it not for my heavenly father, I don’t know where I would be. This far, the Lord has brought me, this far,  Lord hath kept us.

He carried me, in places where even your strong arms could never have carried me. He has seen me through tough and trying times that I never thought I would come out from. He has been my anchor, my joy and  my peace. Now I can smile, now I can walk confidently, because I am not alone. He says, “He shall never leave me, nor forsake” you don’t know how sweet and comforting that is. His promises are sure, He never fails. That is my God, that is my Father. So to all who have lost their dads, there is one who is more closer. To all whose dads are absentees, run to him who said He knit you together in your mother’s womb. To all who don’t feel loved by your dads, run to the one who has adopted us into his family and given us the Spirit of sonship by which we cry out Abba Father. To all who don’t know Him as a Father, develop a relationship with Him. He is your peace and He calls you child.

Run to your Father. His arms are always open wide. He never turns His face away from His children. He gives us all of Him. Run to Him. Let Him be your anchor, let Him be your everything. Let Him wipe away all the tears, all the fears, all the pain. Let Him carry your load, that’s how loving He is. The Almighty is our Father. May you learn to see Him that way. To God be the glory.

Your Lovely Daughter,

Winnie.


Dear Pastor,

It’s me, your faithful congregant. I know you don’t know me, I usually sit at the back of the church and I don’t have physical stuff that will make me stand out like wealth and property, the kind that draw you to talk to people. I try to mingle with people but the cliques in the church are hard to break into but sometimes, I force a greeting on you but you don’t even notice who is saying ‘hi’ to you. I have suffered in silence for so long but I have realized the silence is helping neither of us.

I love the Sunday services, I love the music, the song and dance, the worship team radiant in their yet again new uniform, I love everything that’s done on Sunday to charge us up. I love the way you let your wife speak to us before the sermon starts, it makes me eager to have a godly man and I have also come to understand that preaching to a church is a man’s job, I love that you honour that. I also love the way recently, through the church fundraiser engine, we have increased the church seat capacity, and it is now a mega church complete with the latest technology, all in the quest to be relevant. I don’t even need to carry a bible nowadays, I read scripture on screen.  Did I forget the many ads you have put on the media networks to increase attendance to your church, you really are business minded, you should try business?

But dear Pastor is this all there is? If it was all about meeting in a super-charged filled up room, why am I still empty? If I am told to come as I am, why do I feel discriminated against because I don’t have? If the gospel is all about the good things in life, what am I to do with the bad that is always upon me? I sit at the back so that I can have a worm’s eye-view of everyone coming in and out of the church. If this is a place of comfort, why are souls so downcast, why are people wearing plastic faces? If you preach the God of love, why is there no love among us? I respect you Pastor, for it is a high calling to be a shepherd. I am reminded of Christ telling Peter (in inference, shepherds), to take care of his flock, to feed his flock and to love his flock. Those are the three-fold duty of a shepherd.

I am writing this because am suffering from malnutrition to all. When I come to you and you don’t even bother about me, you don’t want to hear my problems or rejoice with me when there is a good report, you are part of the cause for discord in church then, you are in opposition to your first role, you don’t take care of me. When day in, day out, you feed me with same food. You don’t even notice I have stunted growth for lack of other nutrients. I have Kwashiorkor because am eating only one type of food. You feed me daily with milk even after I have passed the weaning stage and desire meat, then, you are neglecting your second role, you don’t feed me. Lastly Pastor, for you to be able to take care of me properly, to feed me with all the necessary foods and not just choosing that which you think is convenient for you, for you to be able to go that extra mile, to even lay your life for me, you need to love me Pastor. Then, you would be in obedience to your calling. I write all this in love, representing a big portion of concerned and suffering congregants.

Yours,

Faithful Congregant.

PUBLIC APOLOGY

Posted: December 8, 2011 in Letters

To Whom It May Concern,

Dear Friend,

This is me reconciling the year. The year started well albeit on a slightly busy note because I was working and my schedule was really tight. I can’t complain though, I learnt alot from my last workplace. April came and I was out of work and I had to resign myself to the fact that it could possibly take the rest of year till I get something to do. I was right, still waiting. The I started a business that I had always desired  during that time. The reception was well, thanks to everyone who supported me. Unfortunately, I couldn’t keep it running for lack of cashflow. I haven’t given up on it yet will still revive it by God’s grace.

Then came the spiritual awakening, had to change churches to Trinity Baptist Church in Greenfields. I never knew such a biblically sound and loving church still existed in our country. Its been a sweet relationship ever since. God blessed me with good friends to whom I was accountable, friends who provoked me to love and to good works. Friends who challenged me to actually know God for myself and to be reading and interpreting scripture in context, exegesis is the term. Hope I have spelt it right. I was also surrounded by a loving and supportive family, I don’t take it for granted.

Relationship wise, it’s been really crazy and at the same time fun. God has been there through it all. He’s been the lifter of my head when I am down, He upholded me by HIs right hand when I was about to fall, He chastened me when I did, He strenghtened me the many times I felt like giving up and sometimes, actually giving up. It has been a great learning process. I have re-learnt what it means to submit I thought was good at it, but still had some way to go. I have re-learnt the biblical aspect of husband and wife and is what by God’s grace am applying now. I am still learning how not to live in the past, to let bygones be bygones, to forgive and to actually forget. God has blessed me with a loving man who has stood by me despite my faults. When my jealousy was stirred, when I didn’t understand and when I was just being too stubborn to love. I know I have been a pain in so many ways. God richly bless you. This is my public apology. You’re my beloved.

I don’t know, no, am sure I haven’t been the best friend I am supposed to be to all my pals. I know I can’t be there for everyone but I would like to go down as having tried. For those friends I deserted in the course of my journey, my apologies I never intended to. For those to whom I could have been there but wasn’t there, sorry. For those whom I have downright failed, find it in your heart to forgive me. Those I have judged harshly, been less gracious towards and more self-righteous and just didn’t care, I tearfully say, I’M SORRY. For you, who I discontinued my friendship with you because of personal reasons, find it in your heart to forgive me. Those I have not kept in prayer, not shared the word of God with, I pray I don’t waste another year.  This is my public apology.

I write these, in reference to all my friends those whom I know personally and those I know courtesy of facebook. In finishing, I say like David said, ‘against you, against you alone have I sinned Oh Lord.’ This right here is my public apology.

Christ filled christmas & New Year,

Regards,

Winnie.