TO DIVORCE OR NOT TO DIVORCE?

Posted: February 1, 2012 in broken_pieces

She is the woman who cries out daily from the hurt and pain the husband causes. He has defiled the marital bed and brought home other women. She has no self esteem and doesn’t want to live anymore, but she has to, for the sake of the children. Then there’s the other one who gets beaten up almost daily. The love of her life has turned into a disastrous monster. There are days, she thinks she will die while he is in the act. What’s worse, he beats her even infront of the kids. She doesn’t know how to explain to the kids why daddy beats mummy but she just takes it in hoping things will change. Then comes in the man, who is tired of his wife’s hard-headedness.  It’s like she is the man of the house. She doesn’t respect him, there’s no aspect of submission. She is always nagging him and even compares him with other men. She is not content with what he has to give, conjugal rights have become a luxury. This man has reached his wits end, his pride, totally bruised. There’s no more joy in the relationship, no more love and he just wants out. TO DIVORCE OR NOT TO DIVORCE?

Let me give you an example of someone in the bible who was faced with this challenge and felt it in more ways than one. Hosea. God told him to go marry a prostitute, imagine how it felt and this was because God was delivering a message to the Israelites through him. His wife would always go out and seek other men. However, God told him in Hosea 3 to go show love to his wife again. Meaning his love might have probably grown cold. Then God further told him ‘though she is loved by another and is an adultress, love her as the Lord loves the Israelites. Though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes.’ That there, is God showing us, divorce is not an option.

That is also the command of the Lord running through the whole of scripture as far as marriage is concerned. Ephesians 5:22 – 33 talks of husbands having to love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her HOLY cleansing her by the washing with water through the word and wives are to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord. People have never really understood the gravity of this statement. Then again, you have to be in Christ to get it, for it is in Him we live and move and have our being. Do you know what it means to love your wife as Christ loved the church? It means that when she rebels against you, when she doesn’t submit to you, when her joy is in seeking other men, when she keeps falling over and over again, you still embrace her lovingly and still love her unconditionally. It means you show her mercy and look past her actions. It means not giving up on her or the relationship but always reaching out to her, even laying your life for her.  It means you intercede for her because that is what Christ does for the church in Heb 7:25.  Just as Christ’s relationship with the church is supposed to make her holy as we have seen in Ephesians 5, so is the marriage. The husband and wife should also grow more into Christlikeness in their relationship.

Now to the wife, what does it mean to submit to the husband? Let’s answer that with a question. How do we submit to Christ? He becomes our Lord, we love him and are totally committed to him, we listen to and obey his every word, our life is entwined in his, we do not seek any other because he satisfies us completely and we know we can always call on him and he will be there. That is how we submit to our husbands. Don’t get it twisted though, the idea is not to worship your husband as God but submit to Him in the way God has commanded. Oh how many marriages would be saved if people entered them with God’s perspective and not the worldly one.

Christ himself spoke against divorce in Matthew 5:31. The only reason he gave for divorce is unfaithfulness but even with that, it is still not a clean bill to go ahead and divorce. It is after you have tried everything to make it work and it fails. You might ask, what about the woman who is being beaten daily? My advice would be,  separate from the husband, not divorce the husband. For your own sake and the sake of your children if you have and use that time for intercession.

Malachi 2:3-16 clearly shows just how much God hates divorce. In verse 14-16, He says, ‘I stand as the witness between you and the wife of your youth because you have broken that faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking a godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit and DO NOT break faith with the wife of your youth. I HATE DIVORCE says the Lord God of Israel and I hate a man covering himself with violence as well as his garment, says the LORD Almighty. So GUARD YOURSELF in your spirit and do not break faith.’ That is the word of the Lord. Who are we to break it and do that which God abhors? Imagine if Christ was to divorce himself from us every time we turned away, would we still be alive?

Marriage is a walk, it’s a journey, it’s a battle. Be prepared for it. Enter it with a Godly view and like God has said you have a responsibility to play GUARD YOURSELF how will you do that? By submitting to God, resisting the devil and he will flee James 4:7. I hope this will bring healing to marriages and relationships as we pursue a picture perfect marriage that is marriage that perfectly portrays the relationship between Christ and the church. May God bless you and keep you.

GRACE & PEACE

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