Posted: November 26, 2011 in broken_pieces

Whoa! I dont know where to start with this one. This is like writing a suicide note. This is because I am writing this as a patient in HDU Only mine is not high dependency but total dependency on God. I have been born in a world where self is glorified and my every inclination is to do the same. I always want to come out top, be the best be the one who is dressed smartest. I want to always get compliments, people to like me, I mean adore me, for my post and updates to always be liked and read by most if not everyone. I want to be the saint. For people to see how theologically adept I am. Those are my struggles. Yes, that is me, pitiful me. Always waiting on the praises of men like the ocean waits for the stream to pour out its contents. My world revolves around me and in my own little world there only exists me. That’s why when I hear of dying to self, it doesn’t come as good news to me. My world is literally destroyed and I wonder how to go about it because am used to it being about me. Yet you show me the perfect example in John 5:41, you never accepted praise from men.

In Matt 5:13-16, I am called upon to be the salt and light of the earth. How can I do that if I always want to be the center of attraction?  I have to die to self for the salt and light to come out so that HE who deserves all glory gets it. Ascribe to the Lord the glory due to His name. Oh, I am always good to people so I expect them to be the same to me yet you tell me to turn the other cheek, even give my tunic.(Matt 5:39). It gets harder by the verse. How can I love my enemies unless I understand fully how I once was your enemy oh God yet you still loved me. While we still sinners, Christ died for us. (Rom 5:8) Now I love people to see how generous I am, I want my name to be printed on the donation but you warn me not to do my righteous acts before men to be seen by them.(Matt 6:1) Man, it’s like every struggle I have is covered in the bible, truly no escape.

You command me to forgive those who wrong me. Oh how I enjoy holding on to wrongs at times. It always feels good to remind people what they have done. But then, you tell me if I can’t forgive, then my sins will not be forgiven, eish (Matt 6:15). Another stab to self.Man, don’t I fast, and don’t I act holier than thou at those times and almost want everyone to know whats happening. Again, you tell me You alone, are supposed to see and know what I am doing (Matt 6:16-18). About money, you tell me to store up my treasures in heaven where moth and rust cannot destroy and to serve only You.

So how do I go about this business of killing self? It starts and ends with the cross. It starts on the cross when I become crucified with Christ and die to my sinful nature  (Rom 6:6-7). It starts with me accepting the fact that apart from you I can do nothing (John 15:5b). It comes from me knowing that my righteousness is from you (Rom 3:22). There is nothing I will ever do to attain it because have been justified freely by grace so there’s no room for boasting. In Rom 6:11 you tell me to count myself dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. I become a slave to righteousness and not sin. (Rom 6:15-23). You tell me there is now no condemnation for I no longer live by the law because your Son came as an atoning sacrifice to condemn the sin in sinful me so that I may live a life led by the Spirit.n (Rom 8)

You encourage me that I am not controlled by the sinful nature but by the Spirit of God who lives in me. Therefore, I know am not alone in this battle of killing self. You tell me not to conform to the patterns of this world but to be transformed by the renewing of my mind (Rom 12:2). Then, I will be able to know what your good and pleasing will is and do it. You further tell me that every temptation is common to man  and it will not be beyond my capacity and when it comes, you will provide a way out so that I can stand (1 Cor 10:13). How encouraging that is.

I know that I am in Christ and therefore I am a new creation, the old sinful me, is gone and the new, spirit filled me has come. You died so that all those who live should no longer live for themselves but for you who died for us and was raised again (2 Cor 5). Therefore, I am encouraged because I know thou art always with me, walking by my side, lifting me up when I fall and chastising me when need be. So I will submit to you, resist the devil and he will flee from me. (James 4:7) That is how I DIE DAILY.

Grace and Peace.

  1. whoa!that is really me,thank GOD for salvation

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